2003-03-11 + 5:45 p.m.
~*She grabs you by the throat...*~
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~* She grabs you by the throat and makes you feel as if you are nothing more than a piece of crap lying on the floor. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but it must be...it must be.*~

I will kill my computer and html one of these days. I will go on a mass murder spree and kill all the computers in the world. Then they can arrest me and tell me vile things. The women in prison will cuss me out and tell me I am not worth anything. I will just stare at them blankly and wonder why I am even in jail. I could have sworn that I did nothing wrong. So I savaged a few computers. No one else would miss them, would they?

My anger gets the best of me sometimes. I sit in front of the computer and start saying obscene things to it under my breath. I can't help myself, the computer hates me and I dislike it strongly. I'm suprised it hasn't run away on it's two legs to get away from me. Don't get me wrong, I don't abuse my computer (I wouldn't dream of it!!!) but, I do make it feel bad. I should feel bad for calling it names, but I don't. Actually, I probably should just simply yell at HTML or the diaryland site, but I don't. I take it out on my poor computer.

Pessi surrounds me even more now a days. She tells me that I will never amount to much and that, I shouldn't even bother going for scholarships or anything like that. Mainly because I won't get them. But Opti(my optimistic side) has finally appeared and has blessed me with some hope. I do hope to become something. Somehow, in someway I will get the money to get through college. Most likely I will be devoting my whole life to paying off my loans. Oh what joy...what joy life brings.

They say they want you to get an education.Then they say you've got to pay for it. What's the sense in that? Actually, there is no sense in it, none at all...

-- Anger surrounds me, it follows me throughout my days and plagues me.

smokin' / hot