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Third Clue - November 24, 2007
things are looking up - October 10, 2004
I'm back. For now. ;) - December 01, 2003
Why won't you get outta my head? - October 26, 2003
"Would you find it in your heart? To make this go away? And let me rest in pieces..."" - October 26, 2003
just bottled up confusion and hurt
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Does anyone notice me? Does anyone care about me? I hate struggling with these thoughts, and yet they come to me at the same time. At the time I DON'T need them to come to me.
Is anyone ever really there for me? I mean, who can I go to when I feel down and need someone to help me back up? No, I don't trust anyone here. And the few people I do talk to... talking about that- it leaves me feeling empty.
Oh, I need the comfort of you. You. And you. I need you JC. I need you Naomie. And I need you Becky. You three- I feel so comfortable around. That I can talk to when I need to. But damn- I feel you slipping away. Did I say something, did I do something to offend any of you? No, I think not. Everyone has their own lives now. Jessica doesn't fit too much in there.
All I ask, is for a solid one to two hours to talk with someone. About this. About me. About who I am and what is wrong with me. No, do any of you think of me? Wonder how I am doing? I think of you.
I need to get my own life. But don't you see? My heart isn't here. My heart doesn't belong here with these people. They are nice, they are cool, but there isn't anyone who has that same depth, has that same emotion, has that same CARING essence that you all have towards me. I don't feel comfortable or safe around these people. They just don't... it's so hard to explain.
And see- I get so frustrated, when I can't make you understand. When I can't explain it. The more frustrated I get, the more I want to hurt myself. And hurting myself is not a good thing to do at all.
Am I loved? Am I cared for? Am I a part of your life? Yes, I guess I am. I think I am. I KNOW I am. So, why does my mind constantly tell me otherwise?
Do you see the pain in me? Do you hear the hurt? There is so much. So much... and I want it all to go away. And I want you all to know about it. Because I love you all and trust you all. There's not even a guarntee you will read this... but I want you all to know...
No... no point in going there. Just... no point... this entry is meaningless in the life of Jessica... this life. No... whatever...